Did Ms. Vega make a mockery of cancer patients with her wedding scheme? You decide.

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Now wait a cotton-pickin’ minute. You mean to tell me that times have gotten that hard for young women these days that they have to resort to cancer hoaxes to get some guy to marry them? I mean, this woman and her fiancé had an 11-month old daughter.  They should have thought about getting married before they popped that baby out. 

Wait a minute.  Maybe this guy didn’t want to marry her, and she got desperate.  Honestly.  What man would refuse to marry a woman with terminal cancer? But honestly, if I was in her position, I wouldn’t want to trap a man like that.  Maybe that’s why he went upside her head.  Dammit, I’d be pretty pissed as well, to find out that the mother of my daughter lied and schemed in order to trap me in a marriage I probably didn’t want in the first place.  I’d be a little embarrassed, too. I’d be thinking, I stood up with this woman, and pledged my devotion and love, through “sickness and health,” and I got played!?!?!  In front of my family, friends, neighbors?  Everyone believed that this broad was sick?  And now they’re looking at me, like I conspired with her to pull this off?  I’m not her damn accomplice!

Awww, hell to da naw!  So I can’t really blame him for filing for divorce.

I have a theory about this.  Ms. Vega didn’t want to be a baby mama.  Ya’ll know what a baby mama is, right? If you don’t, you have been rotting away on a stranded boat in the middle of the ocean.  *SIGH* A baby mama is an unmarried woman with a child. 

See, gone are the days of the shotgun wedding, where men and women who did the deed, resulting in an unplanned pregnancy, got married.  No one wanted to be known as “that woman.”  So men and women, who didn’t really love each other or had anything in common other than a night of hot and sweaty sexual acrobatics, got married, to preserve the woman’s honor and to ensure that the child grew up in a two-parent home. 

Many GenXers are proud products of the shotgun wedding, me included. I can attest, that strategy did not work.  There’s nothing fun about growing up in a household where you know that your parents are ill-suited for one another.  It leaves an indelible mark on your psyche. 

But in the late 90s, men got hip to the game, and began to flip the bird to marriage.  I mean, women were selling the booty like hotcakes, no strings-attached sex, and the fact that “they didn’t need a man anyway.” So why not?  If a man has a choice between free love and a life chained to a woman he doesn’t love, he’s going to choose door number one.  Most men arent’ going to be discerning when they get that tingly feeling down in their loins.

So women had no choice but to try to put a smiling face on the fact that they had a child, but no husband.  So the word baby mama was a badge of honor for many women who had to grin and bear it, pushing that stroller down the street, knowing that they aren’t going to get any help from that man they knocked boots with over  a year ago.  Remember Fantasia’s song, “Baby Mama“?  Yeah, she got famous because of her anthem to unmarried women with babies.  “Girl keep your head up…blah blah blah.”

Courtesy Jeff Goulding, Times-Herald-Record via http://www.aolhealth.com/2010/09/08/jessica-vegas-cancer-hoax/

Well, being a baby mama may be acceptable in some parts of society, but it’s not always embraced in upstate New York.  Those folks are still trying to keep up appearances.  And given the statement of the mother of Ms. Vega’s  in defense of her lying and scheming daughter, Mama Vega is in some deep dark denial. OH, the embarrassment.  What will my friends think about me? I could hear the conversation now.

Mom Vega:  Look.  You need to do whatever it takes to get that man to marry you.

Ms. Vega:  But Mom, he doesn’t want to marry me.  He was pissed that I got knocked up.  I told him I was on the pill….

Mom Vega:  I don’t care what you told him.  I don’t care what he thinks.  I don’t care if you tell him you have cancer…just do whatever it takes to get him to the altar.  I’m tired of my friends snickering behind my back.

So, to keep up appearances, Ms. Vega fooled everybody in Newburgh.  The newspaper, all the businesses who donated her dress, rings, honeymoon, cake, shoes, pictures, etc.   She fooled her fiancée and her mama.  Most of all, she fooled herself into thinking that she deserved all of this. 

What a cruel commentary.  In a world where children suffer because of poor decisions made by parents, we would rather keep up appearances than be truthful.  We would rather fake it till we make it…or not.  Women are so seduced by the idea of having a fairytale wedding that they don’t even think about the days, weeks or years.  They would rather stick their heads in the sand, clutching those wedding albums and mementos, than think about the damage that they are complicit in causing to themselves, their husbands, their children, their families. 

I’ve always felt that weddings are nothing but shams,  illusions, fantasies, and elaborate rituals designed to validate one out of every two marriages that go up in smoke anyway.

And for real.  If I have terminal cancer, the last thing I’m going to be concerned about is an elaborate wedding and honeymoon.  Call me crazy, but I wouldn’t add the unnecessary stress of planning a wedding and being Bridezilla. Because you know that’s what happens to your typical bride-to-be. Now follow along…you have terminal cancer, and are in a lot of pain and agony, and you’re going to plan a wedding? Nobody found this to be a tad bit odd?  Are people that damn gullible?

I guess we are.  If we weren’t, this story would have never been a story.

And the most important thing to ask is this:  Ms. Vega, have you lost anyone to cancer?  Do you know how devastating cancer is?  Were you thinking before you opened your big fat mouth and allowed your lie to drip out like bile? 

I believe that you are one of most manipulative, heartless and spineless creatures to walk the earth.  You give women a bad name..we already have it bad because of women like you who feel you have to slither your way thorugh life like a slimy snake.  Most importantly, your opportunistic and greedy ways make a mockery of cancer patients and their families. 

You deserve whatever will be handed to you as a result of your scam.  Karma is a bitch, Ms. Vega.  I hope you understand that. 

10 Comments Add yours

  1. wittywife says:

    I actually know a guy who’s girlfriend told him she had cancer when she really didn’t. I guess they were on the verge of breaking up, and she didn’t want to be alone, so she made up the story. I don’t know what is wrong with some women today.

    1. That’s interesting. So are you saying that the woman made up the lie about having cancer to keep her boyfriend from leaving her?

      I think I have some ideas about what is wrong with women. Many women are coming to the realization that sex without a commitment favors men and not women… and so they resort to desperate measures to keep a man from leaving, i.e., trapping a man with a baby he didn’t want, faking illness, the famous ultimatums like I’ll harm or kill myself if you leave me….Doesn’t work with men, especially the men we as women want.

      Women will never admit that the sexual revolution was a failure, i.e., the idea that behaving like a man would somehow liberate them. I never understood that line of reasoning. It’s done more harm than good.

  2. wittywife says:

    Yes, that’s exactly what she did.

    As far as what you just posted – I could not agree with you more. For the most part, sex without commitment DOES favor men. I agree that the sexual revolution was a failure. Behaving like a man is not liberating because we’re not men. We’re different, end of story. Women would get what they want more often if they didn’t give it away so easily.

    Feminism served its purpose I suppose when it started, but it has gone wildly off track.

    Women today who feel like they are being held back are probably the only ones holding themselves back.

    I can’t wait to keep reading your blog, and I’m going to add you to my blogroll.

    1. We’ve only begun to witness the fallout from the sexual revolution. It’s only going to get worse, I’m afraid. Women will go to extreme measures to get what they feel they deserve….without admitting that they actually want those things. We’re learning, and I’m only 38, that there’s no such thing as having it all, which starkly opposes what I was indoctrinated to believe. You have to make tradeoffs, and you have to be willing to settle in one area or another.

      There are interesting discussions on the web about Gen Y women who are getting the extreme short end of the stick. Men in that cohort want no parts of anything that separates men from the animals…they just want sex, no commitment, no relationship, no interaction, nothing. And it’s causing a lot of angst among women in that cohort. As a GenXer, I feel really bad for those women, and if this case is any indication, these 20-somethings will do anything to make a man settle down. It’s sad, but it is what it is.

      Anyway, that’s how I feel about it. And I’m really glad that you stopped by to share your thoughts. Feel free to stop by anytime, and thank you for adding me to your blogroll. I took a peek at your blog, and I have a question for you. Who’s your primary audience?

      1. wittywife says:

        I’m glad I stopped by too.

        As far as my own personal blog – I’m not sure who my primary audience is. I really started to write it for myself in a therapeutic way, but keeping it open in case anyone stumbled upon it and could gain something from it. Then I started seeking out other blogs (similar and not), and as I commented on other blogs, I got a lot more traffic back. I get a bunch of folks, but I’d say predominantly wives looking to also better their marriage.

        And one male marriage ‘coach’ (not counselor) who loves to read my blog and tell me how wrong I am.

      2. That’s interesting, Witty Wife. I had a chance to peruse your blog yesterday and from what I could discern, you offer up some very practical advice for women who want to have a successful marriage. We all know from experience that men can be so easy, yet so difficult. I know for certain that men say the same thing about us.

        Does this marriage coach possess to have some unique and special knowledge that perhaps he feels he is best equipped to share with you? I’m sure his nitpicking can be somewhat exasperating. It’s akin to coming to your home and telling you that you can do a better job with the housekeeping, etc., then packing up and leaving you to your own devices.

      3. wittywife says:

        email me at witty.wife at yahoo dot com and I’ll tell you a little more about that ‘marriage coach.’

      4. Hi @witty.wife – just sent you an email.

  3. Desert Liberrian says:

    This also is indicative of another problem in our society. It’s all about the wedding not about the marriage. If she’s tried to pull off this ruse in order to get married, then she would have gone down to the JP or eloped to Niagara Falls or Vegas. Sure there would have been fall out between the two of them and the families, but she had to go out like it was Make A Wish. Free dress, free rings, discounted reception. So much preparation for one day and obviously none for other days that drone on into eternity.

    Like you said who wants to be planning a wedding if you’re dying of terminal cancer. Not to mention who wants to be married to someone who is in essence waiting for you to die. I can hear the musings in his head as he picks out urns, ” Six months down, three to go!” I wonder how she was planning to carry this through when her time was up and she wasn’t dead. “Oh honey, great news, it was all a mistake. I’m not dying afterall.” It’s highly doubtful that she thought that far ahead if she could even think to try something like this.

    I’m not even going to touch the sexual revolution discussion. As someone who has attempted to go through a personal sexual revolution, I can attest that the insurgence is generally quashed sooner or later once you discover that when Chaka Khan sang, “I’m every woman!” she had a personal staff!

    1. Yes, Ms. Desert Liberrian…thanks for stopping by. 🙂 You make a very good point about Ms. Vega not thinking about the long-term implication of her decision to deceive her husband and others to get her way. According to the article, she tried to backtrack once she found herself having to substantiate her claim, but I think by that point, her ruse was up.
      As I always say, don’t they make good criminals/liars/deviants anymore? Sometimes I think most of them fell asleep in trifling behavior class.

      Also, LOL @ “once you discover that when Chaka Khan sang, “I’m every woman!” she had a personal staff!” Boy, I could use a personal assistant, and I know you could, too! 😉

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