The Way I See It Today: My Bucket(Head) List.

Cover of "The Bucket List"
Cover of The Bucket List

Good afternoon my friends,

I know you all are tired of hearing all of the gloom and doom on the news. I know I am.  Sometimes you just want to have a good laugh and relax.  As the world falls apart around us, poking fun at ourselves, our frailties as human beings, our faults and our missteps, is, to me, the best way to put all of this craziness into perspective .  So I decided to write a post that does just that.

As I ventured out today into the snowy, icy tundra that is northwest Philadelphia, I got to thinking:  Why am I out here again?  I’m risking life and limb to check my mail? That’s gotta be one of the dumbest things I’ve ever done.

And then this thought led to another, more profound question:  What has got to be the dumbest thing I’ve ever done? (No, not that.)  The other dumb stuff I’ve done in life?  Stuff I’ve done that was so stupid that I wouldn’t even tell my best friend about it?  And what if I compiled all of these dumb and stupid things that I’ve done into a Bucket(Head) List?  This would be a twist on the premise of the movie, The Bucket List, where Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson are terminally ill and decide to do all these fabulous things and go to all these awesome places before they die.  {DISCLAIMER:  No, I’m not terminally ill, and no, I’m not on my deathbed, and no, I don’t want to go to Disneyland.} 

So as I was walking (read slipping and sliding) down the street to the Post Office, I began itemizing (inside joke) and prioritizing my list, in a way only a true Virgo could.  So now that I’m back home, I am proud to debut, to you, my loyal readers, my Bucket(Head) list.  Folks, I did a google search, and I’m here to tell ya….you’re not gonna find a Bucket(Head) List anywhere else.  You are gonna see tons of Bucket Lists.  Why?  Because everyone likes to show off and one-up everyone else. 

See, I’m not all about trying to impress people. I don’t need to tell you where I’ve been and what I own.  People who do that are very insecure and spend too much time trying to cover up their insecurities by showing how great they are.  Me?  I have no problem telling you how screwed up I am. Why?  Because I hope that someone out there can learn from my mistakes and have a good laugh at my expense.  No matter what anyone thinks about me, I may fall down, but you damn sure better believe this:  If I fall down, I’m gonna pick myself, dust myself off and keep on going.  And you better believe I won’t keep making the same dumb mistakes because I’m too afraid to say to myself that I effed up. 

At any rate, I hope, for a brief moment, it’ll take your minds off of what’s going on in Egypt, Tunisia, Jordan, the economy, the Dems vs. the GOP vs. Obama vs. the Tea Party, and Snowtorious B.I.G. (thanks Cliff) that’s barreling down on the Rockies, the Midwest and the East Coast.  They say that over 100 million people will be affected by this storm.  Do you realize that’s like 1 out of 3 Americans (and counting)?  Know your facts and make sure you’re protected (oops, this isn’t an STD PSA.  My bad).

Okay here goes my Bucket(Head) List:

1.  Opening a can of soup and realizing that it needs milk and all you have is water. Why didn’t I see this WHEN I WAS AT THE STORE AND COULD HAVE GOTTEN MILK???  Dumb.  Anyway, I fixed the soup, added water, and didn’t notice anything less spectacular about it.  So maybe this wasn’t so dumb after all.  *shrugs*  Besides.  I’m lactose intolerant anyway.

2. Walking gingerly in the snow to avoid slipping on the ice, and stepping right in some dog poo.  ARGH!!! Eff it, I’m gonna just walk like I’m taking no prisoners next time. Might as well, because chances are not only will I step in a steaming pile of poo, I’ll slip and fall on the ice.  That’s killing two birds with one stone, and my friends, that’s efficiency at its best.

3.  The bleached blond loc phase.  That was dumb. Very dumb.  It pains me to look at pictures of myself during that dark era of my life.  And no, I won’t post any, so don’t ask.

4.  St. Louis.  Another dumb move.  Seven years of my life I’ll never get back.  Coincides with #3.

5.  Undergraduate classes/coursework.  Again.  4 years of my life I’ll never get back.  I don’t use any of that crap I learned, and I’m still trying to pay on my student loans.   And then they got the nerve to call and email for donations?  GTFOH. 

They need to find a way to let people skip college and go straight to grad school.  Hell, if a high school basketball player or football player can get drafted straight into the pros, then why can’t I?  What’s the point of spending four of my best years in college when all I did was is drink, eat greasy food, go to lame parties, skip class to watch bad tv and play cards til 4 in the morning?

6.  Relaxed hair.  I’m not knocking all my black and brown sistafriends who do the chemical straightening thing, but I know my limitations, and I should have stopped doing that ish in 1988.  I’m still trying to recover from all that frying and dying of my precious locks (see #3). Besides, have you ever stopped to think about what we may be absorbing into our brains via constant use of those chemicals??  Brain damage, anyone?  Maybe we’re not crazy because we’re black, but we’re crazy because we’re poisoning our brains and altering our brain chemistry.

7.  Credit cards are the devil. No further explanation necessary.  Most of the stuff I bought on credit, I don’t even own anymore.  What’s the point?

8.  Quitting my job later rather than sooner.    I was talking to someone earlier today and the person pointed out that a lot of my respiratory problems (coughing, hacking, upper respiratory infections, wheezing, and all out behaving like Steve Urkel) I was experiencing while working in the Bronx went away after I left my job.  Go figure! 

So basically, all I was doing in sticking it out was aiding and abetting my own death. Isn’t that like suicide?? Dumb!!  The takeaway for me was this:  No job is worth losing your health, family, friends, sanity or peace of mind.  If you value your job more than those things, then you, my friend, are losing.

9.  Pretending to be friends with people I don’t even like. How many years have I lost behind that?  Too many to count here. 

10.  And last, but certainly not least:  Not being there for my family in their time of need.  See number 8:  Wash, rinse, repeat.

So, here’s the question of the day:  If you could write your own Bucket(Head) List, what would be your Number One item and why? 

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